Whenever I used to tell people that I have kidney failure, they always say “oh you don’t look like it”, ” I would kill to be your size”, “you look amazing”.

The sicker I became, the more weight I lost. When I was on dialysis, I lost so much weight because I had to watch my water intake and lots of other dietary restrictions.

I hated it because although I loved being a size 6, I was losing my shape, my “slim thick”, was just slim and I literally had zero energy for physical activity. Well after I received my transplant,  I lost even more weight being on 13 medications a day and having an upset stomach for almost a month.

But baby, STEROIDS TOOK OVER and my appetite grew insanely fast.

Before I knew it, I was eating half a dozen of donuts a week thanks to prednisone. Prednisone is a steroid that is normally given to transplant patients to help with your immune system. Prednisone, depending on the dosage, can cause rapid weight gain amongst so many other side effects (MEH).

I love my new kidney, but I hate my new body.

Between February and August, I gained 60 very stubborn pounds. I went from a size 6 to a size 10/12.  To be fair to me, I also had a fractured patella, so I wasn’t mobile for like 2 months. But, listen, I want to love my new body so badly, I love the extra curves, and I love that my body is literally the site of two miracles, a transplant, and 1 pound baby.

I think my least favorite thing about my new body image, is just the rolls and fupa.I mean the rolls get me every day. And I just want to be as transparent as possible because I know other people who struggle with this so much that sometimes they refuse a transplant for this same reason.

I have never ever had a fupa. I get that it’s sexy. And I even cheer on other women for showcasing all their beautiful bodies no matter shape or size. So why I can not give myself that same grace and body love, I am not sure. * screams in frustration*.

 

My body is the site of two miracles that many could only wish for.

I pray that I will learn and grow with the beauty of my new body as I look forward to sharing my journey with you.