My journey started in 2009.

It was a routine check-up at the doctor’s office on campus, (shout out to Spelman )and the doctor checked my urine and noticed I had a large amount of protein spilling into my urine. She brought me into the office and asked me a few questions about my protein and if I had ever had this happen before. She then informed me she wanted to follow up with a 24-hour urine sample to get a better measurement of how much protein I was spilling.

The doctor recommended I see a nephrologist, a doctor who specializes in Kidney research and health. I was able to get an appointment with a doctor right away at home back in Baltimore. I flew home to see the doctor and was informed I needed to get a kidney biopsy.

I scheduled it for the day after my 20th birthday. And after the biopsy, my life changed forever.

I found out that had been suffering from kidney failure for 5 years with a disease called FSGS, and my kidneys were only functioning at only 50%. When I found this out I was packing for my internship in Sacramento, California, and prepping financially for a fall semester in Beijing, China. I’ll be sharing more about my life in college with my diagnosis but you better believe I didn’t let it stop me.

I am forever grateful that a simple routine at my hospital on my beautiful college campus of Spelman was able to detect something that was silently threatening my health. And I was able to take immediate action to begin to center my life around how to fit my new disease with my big plans.

Whenever I used to tell people that I have kidney failure, they always say “oh you don’t look like it”, ” I would kill to be your size”, “you look amazing”.

The sicker I became, the more weight I lost. When I was on dialysis, I lost so much weight because I had to watch my water intake and lots of other dietary restrictions.

I hated it because although I loved being a size 6, I was losing my shape, my “slim thick”, was just slim and I literally had zero energy for physical activity. Well after I received my transplant, I lost even more weight being on 13 medications a day and having an upset stomach for almost a month.

But baby, STEROIDS TOOK OVER and my appetite grew insanely fast.

Before I knew it, I was eating half a dozen of donuts a week thanks to prednisone. Prednisone is a steroid that is normally given to transplant patients to help with your immune system. Prednisone, depending on the dosage, can cause rapid weight gain amongst so many other side effects (MEH).

I love my new kidney, but I hate my new body.

Between February and August, I gained 60 very stubborn pounds. I went from a size 6 to a size 10/12. To be fair to me, I also had a fractured patella, so I wasn’t mobile for like 2 months. But, listen, I want to love my new body so badly, I love the extra curves, and I love that my body is literally the site of two miracles, a transplant, and 1 pound baby.

I think my least favorite thing about my new body image, is just the rolls and fupa.I mean the rolls get me every day. And I just want to be as transparent as possible because I know other people who struggle with this so much that sometimes they refuse a transplant for this same reason.

I have never ever had a fupa. I get that it’s sexy. And I even cheer on other women for showcasing all their beautiful bodies no matter shape or size. So why I can not give myself that same grace and body love, I am not sure. * screams in frustration*.

My body is the site of two miracles that many could only wish for.

I pray that I will learn and grow with the beauty of my new body as I look forward to sharing my journey with you.